Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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