Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Randomize
