I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
