nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
two words...techno handjob
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
