Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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