I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
