the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
