I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
