No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
