I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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