what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Actions speak louder than pants.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
