i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
