Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
