I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
