Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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