He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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