If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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