I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I need moral support for this bender
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize