I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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