Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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