So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
