All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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