i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
