sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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