I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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