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He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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