I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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