Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
