is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
