omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
