I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
