see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
