im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
