U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
