Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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