She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
