I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
