If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
