Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
