does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
