Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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