I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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