garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
not ubering you a puppy
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
