I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
