Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
