if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
