I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
