So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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