i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need a beard to bite.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
