That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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