Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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