I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
