I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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