saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
