Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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