Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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