Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize