PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
