I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
