Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
