I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
