so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
