she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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