im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
