cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
