had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize