: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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