I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
