you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
