I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
