Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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