i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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