Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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