I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have aggressive nipples.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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