I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
