I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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