why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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