and you said cock pushups were impossible
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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