Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
soo... how was my night?
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