I'd wear matching sweaters with you
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
