OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
