OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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