Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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