so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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